Entries categorized as ‘Relationships’

Questions I Wish People Would Ask Me, Part 1

January 13, 2016 · 41,121 Comments


Q: Why haven’t the aliens contacted us yet?

A: The short answer is, because we haven’t invented warp drive yet. (Thank you, Gene Roddenberry.)

The long answer is, because we’re a self-destructive species. We act as though we believe that skin pigmentation ought to determine one’s success in life. We exploit our natural resources to the point of poisoning ourselves and every living creature on Earth. We act shitty towards each other.

No intelligent life form can trust us to act responsibly this early in our development.¬†We’re in no way ready to be global citizens, let alone intergalactic citizens.

Can we get ready? In my lifetime? In yours? Maybe. But not without trying.

Categories: Buddhism · Connection · Contribution · Crime · Current Affairs · Relationships · Science

Bad Boys Get There First

May 28, 2012 · Comments Off on Bad Boys Get There First

Back in 1994 I broke off a six-and-a-half-year relationship with a narcissist. (That’s a whole story in itself.) But yes, I dated him, yes, for way too long, and yes – I fed what seemed like evidence into the “girls like bad boys” myth.

It occurred to me just now that, even though girls really don’t like bad boys, we do end up dating them. And the nice guys do get left out in the cold.

Why? Because bad boys do one thing nice guys don’t:

They risk rejection.

They approach the women they’re interested in, and they ask them out. And those women, they are flattered. They are happy for the attention. They get that momentary validation that yes, somebody does find you attractive, after all. And that emotional glow clouds their judgement and gets them to say “yes”.

And then the years of regret. Because we all know, once you’re in a bad relationship, it’s tough to get out. You don’t want to be the bad guy, right? The one who gave up first? The one who rejected the other? So you stay, way too long, until you figure out how to break it off.

And in the meantime, the nice guys wait patiently on the sidelines, waiting for you to come to your senses and ditch the loser, so they can have their shot. Which might get scooped, again, by another risk-taking bad boy.

tl;dr. What I’m saying is, nice guys: don’t let the bad boys beat you to the punch. Risk rejection. Tell that girl you like her, and you’d like to date her. Let her know she doesn’t have to answer right this second – you’d just like her to consider the idea and get back to you and tell you what she thinks. And do it before some gutsy loser does it first.

Categories: Growth · Psychology · Relationships